Detroit Lions: A Guide to the Offseason
It is the Detroit Lions‘ offseason, which means two things: news about the team is scarce, and whatever news that is available is unfailingly optimistic. Fans are desperate for info, but there really isn’t any to give…no game highlights, no discussion on upcoming games, no excuses for why the coach punted on fourth-and-one.
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Since this doesn’t stop reporters from asking questions at every opportunity, coaches and general managers have developed a standardized guide for providing information during the offseason. And since reporting bad news is never fun, they generally look on the bright side of things during the offseason (gotta keep up those season ticket sales, you know.)
And so as a guide to you, the reader, I will give you the top five news items that you will hear this summer about your Detroit Lions that you should take with a grain of salt.
He’s becoming comfortable in the offense:
A favorite of coaches, this piece of information can only be stated one year after a coaching change. Whether it be a coordinator, a head coach or a line coach, this is used to justify why the quarterback/wide receiver/tight end performed poorly the year before. Not because he can’t grasp a pro offense or because he has terrible hands or because he can’t remember to run to the outside on a corner pattern, but because he “wasn’t comfortable” in the offense.
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He has looked great in OTAs:
I mean, what else are they going to say? Players are in shorts, not wearing pads and aren’t sore from playing a game a day before. They have been playing football their entire life – I would hope they look good. Plus, the coach can’t say that what he is really thinking – that the player looks like he skipped his workouts and ate doughnuts every day since the season ended. It might be true (and delicious), but they can’t say that.
He’s “just happy to be here”:
Of course he isn’t. He got traded and didn’t have a choice. He is fighting for his job in a new city, with teammates he doesn’t know, while his kids are upset because they have to leave their friends and his wife is asking him to look at houses in his free time. He’s not happy. But no one in Detroit wants to hear how the new player is miserable and misses warm weather, we just want to hear how great it is with the Lions. So they accommodate us.
The rookies look like they are adapting:
The coaches and general managers can’t say what they really know: the rookies are in over their head. They are walking into a locker room full of grown-ass men and trying to take their jobs from them. They are trying to figure out a massive playbook while getting hazed and having to find a place to live a city they know nothing about. And if they are from Ohio State they are actually paying for their own tattoos which is a totally new experience for them.
He’s heeling nicely:
He’s working out with a physical trainer twice a day, getting morning and evening massages and his medical files get reviewed by the best doctors in the United States. Of course he is healing. It remains to be seen whether or not his reconstructed knee or blown-out Achilles will actually allow to him to carry a ball in the fall, but for now he is healing nicely.
I hope you find this guide useful!
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